F My Life!

Another week, another post. This time it's about celebrity FML entries. FML stands for Fuck My Life. FMyLife is an English-language blog that serves as "a recollection of everyday anecdotes likely to happen to anyone". Posts on the site are short, user-submitted stories of unfortunate happenings that begin with "Today" and end with "FML". FMyLife receives more than 1.7 million hits each day. Here is a collection of likely celeb FML entries -

I have been scandal-free for two months. FML.

Paris Hilton

My girlfriend dumped me. FML.

Typical Guy

My boyfriend thinks my new top makes me look fat. FML.

Typical Girl

My suit and pant have been up for the past 1 month. FML.

Barney Stinson

They patched my scar. FML.

Harry Potter

I tried 4 hours to solve a rebus. Turns out, it was a drawing by my 4 year old sister. FML.

Literati Convener

The wall fell down. FML.

Malhar Organizer

Eve got herself something to wear. FML.

Adam

The course registration for the semester got over. FML.

General Secretary of Academic Affairs

My meeting got over in 10 minutes. FML.

Techfest Manager

My heroine has bad breath. FML.

Emraan Hashmi

I lost my towel. FML.

Douglas Adams

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. It was only for boys. FML.

Freshman

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. FML.

Sophomore

Why isn't there a FM portal? FML.

Pamela Anderson

Neo gifted me a spoon. FML.

Morpheus

By the way, God has given up trying to fuck Rajnikanth's life. Twice.

Reader's Speak:

I dare you to. FML.

Chuck Norris

They made me take a bath! FML.

Robert Pattinson.(Edward Cullen in Twilight)

He still didn't brush his teeth! FML.

Kirsten Stewart, on above.

Its 43. FML.

Douglas Adams

Contributed by Ankit Baraskar

Arvind is moving out of my room! FML!

Nikunj Jha

Mathematics can't explain this. FML!

Manas Rachh

Contributed by Neha Rambhia

There are no reservations in heaven. FML.

Arjun Singh

Contributed by Ayush Baheti

I read Nikunj's blog. FML.

Blog Reader

Contributed by Anonymous Reader

Please comment. At least give your opinion on how you found it by checking one of the boxes below. Feedback is most welcome. I would be glad to add your quotes and listen to your suggestions for the blog. Just post a comment. That’s all folks!

One Idiot!

Why did the freshman cross the road? Here's how the celebrities replied when asked the above question -

Shit happens.

Forrest Gump

To come over to the dark side...

Lord Voldemort

Because, he knew the art of leaving ...

Shri Shri Ravishankar

To go to the Laxmi's bar...

Senior

Tell him to not do that anymore when I am driving...

Salman Khan

Obviously, to fill up the 3rd draft of the pre-pre registration form version 3.4 in solitude...

General Secretary of Academic Affairs

Son, asking that question makes you guilty of ragging...

Dean of Student Affairs

Not everyone can part the road, you know...

Moses

WTF! Only Maharashtrian freshmen should be allowed to cross the road...

Bal Thackery

He did not cross the road as I received no such tweet from him...

Devanshu Mathur

Well, he wasn't organizer material anyway...

Techfest Manager

To go to Stanford...

Niranjan Parab (Toit)

Screw you guys! He was going home...

Eric Cartman

Oh my God! Was he stalking me?

Hostel 10 Girl 1

Obviously, no. You're not that good. He was following me...

Hostel 10 Girl 2

Give it a rest, ladies. He was following me...

The Chicken who crossed the road

To buy sutta for the senior ...

The Freshman who crossed the road

Hey, stick to the wall, goddamit!

Malhar Organizer

And then here we are again. Please comment if you liked the post. Submit your suggestions and quotes. And most importantly, rate the post on the bar below...

Mobile Assets!

The celebs are all in a mobile shop. Some are looking to buy, others are looking to sell. Lets have a look -

With great power, comes great standby time!

Spiderman

Wish an Apple would fall on my head...

Isaac Newton

The first rule of the chinese mobile store is that you do not talk about the chinese mobile store.

Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

I need a phone to satisfy my MMS needs...

Hugh Hefner

Neo, there is no discount.

Morpheus

We offer special discount on mobiles stolen from our prize room...

College Festival Manager

I want a 3G phone with GPS, music player and a 5mp camera.

Typical Guy

I want a cute, pink and slim phone that matches my top!

Typical Girl

Think beyond the Blackberrys. I will give you a free laptop.

Arindam Choudhary

98232 43245

Douglas Adams

Electronic cell is out of fashion, sir. Entrepreneurship cell is the new rage...

E-Cell Manager

May the network be with you...

Master Yoda

Make me an offer I can't refuse...

The Godfather

My hobby - Going to mobile store and asking for mobile bombs to freak out the customers...

Randall Munroe

The mobiles are expensive and complicated. But, there's always www.fencibility.com...

Eeshan Malhotra

Toit Fundae Part 4: Mobile phone c**tiya hai. Who's going to stanford?

Toit

Contributed By Ankit Baraskar

Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the new facebook connect gadget on the right hand side column.

Lift Kara De!

Time for some experimentation. Here’s a conversation in quotes involving our very-own friendly neighbourhood celebs, that ensued while travelling in a lift when it suddenly stopped mid-way -

Et tu lift, eh?

Julius Caesar

Neo, there is no motion

Morpheus

(screams) Oh gravity, now don't try to be a heartless bitch.

Sheldon Cooper

I think I can convince my producers to send in 3 auto-rickshaw drivers cum saviours who can rescue us while wielding their battered, smoke-chugging, rickety autos.

Himesh Reshammiya

Damn! I should have brought my playmates for the ride

Hugh Hefner

Everyone Back off! You cant take more space. 27% of the lift and auto is reserved for Old Bald Congressmen...

Arjun Singh

Stick to the walls!

Malhar Organizer

I have tremendous appetite. May I have a few volunteers in order to free up some space?

Hannibal Lectar

Alimentary, my dear Lectar!

Sherlock Holmes

Not that I haven't been in a stopped lift with 10 other men before, but usually they take my consent before the emergency stop!

Paris Hilton

Am I having a dream?

Martin Luther King (looking at Paris)

A Midsummer's wet dream...

Shakespeare (drooling at Paris)

I'll be coming.

Terminator

The little slim shady stands up...

Eminem

Lock and load!

Colonel Sanders

Stop! No one makes her an offer she can't refuse!

Godfather

We need to discuss why first. It has to be a team decision…

Techfest Manager

Natural selection dictates survival of the fittest!

Charles Darwin (to Paris)

(descends into chaos)

Let loose ligaments locking lift, living legends lecherously lust after luscious lady, lest little longfellows levitate. Litigation lacerates.

V (V for Vendetta)

Screw her, guys! I'm going home...

Eric Cartman

Please comment on how you found the post. Thanks to Ankit Baraskar and Arpan Saha for contributing a quote each. I can switch back to older kind of posts or try a few more of these if people so demand. That’s all folks!

Hire for Higher!

Its placement season! The celebs are applying for jobs/internships. Here is a collection of points from their CV/SOP -

Established the usefulness of slack, distracted clerks in the office through my own example...

Einstein for Head of World Clerks Association

Used silicon technology to create two perky portable anti aircraft guns, poised suitably to make the enemy come and take 'em down

Pamela Anderson for US Air Force

Set new style standards for laziness by parting the sea rather than boarding a ship...

Moses for Jew Style Icon

Exemplified devotion to the cause of pitch black sunglasses by enduring them even during the nights

Neo for Sales Representative of Rayban

Ensured fitness of all the cows of Bihar by sending them on a strict dieting regimen by withdrawing all fodder from the state...

Laloo Yadav for Fitness Instructor

You should make me a job offer I cannot refuse...

Godfather

Successfully survived being surrounded and courted by 15 guys at the same time, not liking any one of them and still prevailed

Rakhi Sawant for H-10 Warden

Proficient at the game with an unbeaten track record of hiding. Can bomb/attack the opponents in no time

Osama Bin Laden for American Team to World Hide and Seek Championship

Have world-class experience in furthering distance education through home-made videos of ingenious nature and popular demand

Paris Hilton for Internship at CDEEP

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, all night long, non-stop without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Techfest Manager for Technical Advisor to Satsang Committee

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, non-stop, without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Random Philosopher for Techfest Manager

Have extensive past experience in selling hot chicks to a crowd of lost and innocent boys...

Mood Indigo Hospitality CG for Speaker of Anti-Gay Democratic Front

< Image > Topless sunbathing < /Image >

Salman Khan for Convener of No T-shirt Club

P.S. – All the above jobs were taken up by Rajnikanth taking his job count to 99987645

It’s been a very long time since I posted. My joblessness at my intern inspired me to. Credits to Arvind for the Pamela Anderson quote. As always, will be waiting for more suggestions from the readers in the comments.

Slam Bunk!

The celebrities bunked the class. Here is a compilation of their excuses -

Soniya Ji decided not to come to the class...

Manmohan Singh

The class was in Room Number 43...

Douglas Adams

There were no skyscrapers around.

Spiderman

I was hungry. There was no spoon...

Morpheus

I had a team meeting last night. It didn't end...

Techfest Manager

Everyone I met on the way was serious...

Joker

The force was with me... but it left my bike.

Master Yoda

Was doing my home assignment with Monica…

Bill Clinton

I should have taken the blue pill. Unfortunately, I took mess food instead...

Neo

I believe in distance education through educational home videos...

Pamela Anderson

The auto rickshaw driver refused my offer...

The Godfather

I had a dream. And then another one. And then another one. And so on...

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Didn't drink. Couldn't drive.

Salman Khan

P.S. - Rajnikanth used his exceptional skills to listen to the lecture from his room...

Finally a post after a long time. Was kept busy by huge amounts of work both on the academic and extra-curricular front. Also, I felt that the frequency of posts was too high and the jokes were getting repetitive. So I decided to let it rest for a while. As always, will be waiting for more in the comments.

Poll Dance

The celebrities are contesting the elections. Here’s a compilation of their promises and manifesto points -

Will stop playing cricket.

Sourav Ganguly

Will clean all the webs I left on the buildings while performing stunts.

Spiderman

Will do nothing.

George Bush

Will kill Baa and all other characters above a 100 years.

Ekta Kapoor

Will divorce Aishwarya Rai.

Abhishek Bachchan

Will donate my personal ammunition reserve to the army.

Osama Bin Laden

Will introduce reservations for girls in IIT.

Arjun Singh (when campaigning inside IIT)

Will associate with Paris Hilton this time to provide 'quality' scandals for the masses.

Bill Clinton

Will restore equality among all integers and end discrimination among numbers.

Douglas Adams

Everyone has 'big' expectations. I shall fulfill them all...

Pamela Anderson

Will replace boring chair fights with cat fights among playmates in Parliament.

Hugh Hefner

And here are a few Celebrity Election Slogans -

I am the one.

Neo

You have already made me your choice. You don't need to understand it.

Oracle

The Real Slim Shady stands up.

Eminem

Will put a smile on everyone's face.

Joker

P.S. - Dev Anand couldn't stand in the elections. He is STILL underage.

Finally a post that is completely mine. I am afraid you will find the variety of last few posts absent which was the result of multiple contributors. As always waiting for more slogans/promises in comments. Will publish the good ones…

Counseling Blues!

What would the celebrities advise the students if they had been the counsellors for JEE 2009?

To B.E. or not to B.E., is out of the question…

Shakespeare

Neo, there are no girls.

Morpheus

How would I know? I am still a kid.

Dev Anand

Download my 'counselling' video from the LAN...

Paris Hilton

42? Hmm... Computer Science, IIT Bombay.

Douglas Adams

Depends. What ethnicity suits your taste?

Hannibal Lectar

Security at Main Gate: Student?
JEE qualified candidate: NO...
Security: Cow?
JEE qualified student: No
Security: No Entry...

You will remember this as the day you almost got IIT Bombay.

Jack Sparrow

I suggest KV, IIT Powai Branch (Kendriya Vidyalaya)...

Late Michael Jackson

Te rimaka bosa daaa...

Gulti

Only two things are infinite: Universe and boys-to-babes ratio in IIT, and I am not sure about the universe.

Einstein

60,000 participants, over 500 colleges, 4 days of mayhem - Mood Indigo - Asia's largest college cultural festival... Come live your passion…

MI CG

For academic calendar, counselling brochure, go to www.moodi.org

MI Web CG

’Generally’ nahi ho payega...

Arjun Singh

I came, I saw, I counseled.

Julius Ceaser

IIT? - Isnt that the college that has WMD's? (Women of Masculine Disposition)

George Bush

You are just maid for IIT...

Shiney Ahuja

You will be back... next year.

Terminator (to AIR 6000)

Hasta la Vista, baby!

Terminator (to AIR >7000)

You dont need no education...

Pink Floyd

You have already made the choice. You just don’t understand it yet.

Oracle

Let's put a spike on your resume.

Joker

Readers Speak:

Sab mohmaya hai…

Actual Counseling Student

Contributed By Niranjan Parab

Chal daaru peene chalte hain…

Arvind Kr. Singh

Contributed By Mayank Singhal

They say getting into IIT is tough… Well, try getting out of here. (Evil Grin)

Director, IIT Bombay.

Think beyond the IIT’s. I shall give you a free laptop.

Arindam Choudhary

Contributed By Nitish Wagle aka Dempo

Thanks to Arvind and Siddharth Shah for suggestions and ideas. Special thanks to Sailesh Mohapatra for contributing excellent quotes. Not to forget Antariksh for his insight. Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the upcoming posts section on the right hand side column.

Mood High

What would you like to see/attend at Mood Indigo 2009?

A workshop on shaving…

Veerappan

Nerve gas lounge for Jews.

Adolf Hitler

A Duck Hunt arcade game...

Dick Cheney

Slap Bets…

Shreesanth

Stacy's Mom

Stacy’s Friend

NASA protest against DOSA.

The MI OC’s

KKKKKKKKKKK.....KKKK..Karan (johar)

Shahrukh Khan

Shahrukh

Karan Johar

A Gay Rights Rally…

Shahrukh and Karan

Everything except Mika.

Rakhi Sawant

He's got the look…

Bobby Darling

Mood Indigo's Most Wanted

Osama Bin Laden

Protests by PETO (People for Ethical Treatment of Organizers)

Organizers

Nude protests by PETO (People for Ethical Treatment of Organizers)

Coordinators

No idiots, I am already dealing with 3...

Raju Hirani

Kindergarten kids. Loads of them...

Michael Jackson

(still blinking his eyes, response awaited)

Atal Bihari Vajpayee

(Errr... Sorry. We wouldn't like to see YOU here.)

Britney Spears

Thakur HANDing over prizes to winners of HAND painting competition

Gabbar Singh

Contributed By Aditya Shekhawat

A talk on ‘Bai’sexuality...

Shiney Ahuja

A ballet dancing workshop...

Sumo Wrestlers from Parle Lite Bourbons Advertisment

Contributed By Mayur Shrinivasan

As always, thanks to Arvind and Mayank for suggestions and ideas. Special thanks to Siddharth Shah for contributing excellent quotes. Surprisingly, there are hardly any quotes in this post that are mine, all thanks to these guys. Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the upcoming posts section on the right hand side column.

Pick Her Up!

Celeb Pick-Up Lines:

The celebrities are at a party and they see a hot chick beyond their wildest dreams. This is a compilation of pick up lines they used...

I have already made reservations for you.

Arjun Singh

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Vodafone Dog

I came, I stared, I coveted.

Julius Ceaser

May I put a smile on your face...

Joker

Can I have you for dinner?

Hannibal Lectar

Doggy style comes naturally to me.

Scooby Doo

Wanna see how Jolly my Roger is?

Jack Sparrow

You are looking finger lickin' good.

Colonel Sanders (Of KFC fame)

Can I read your T-shirt in braille?

Louie Braille

Your house or mine?

Dr. House, M.D

They don't call it bedrock without a reason, you know.

Fred Flintstone

How about you take this pill and I show you how deep your rabbit hole goes?

Morpheus

I own a rocket. First stop your moons, then Uranus!

Neil Armstrong

Tea, Coffee or me?

Waiter

69

Douglas Adams

Readers Speak:

I want to login into your window.

Bill Gates

I got Apple. Will you be my Eve?

Steve Jobs

You are a hot feMAIL...

Sabeer Bhatia

Contributed By Paras Jain

What Ho!

Bertram Wooster

Contributed By Bharat Jakati

This post I feel may be a little elitist and difficult to understand as loads of wordplay and puns involved there... I have posted a guide to understanding it in comments section...

Thanks to Arvind for a few lines, as well as the internet for a few more...