F My Life!

Another week, another post. This time it's about celebrity FML entries. FML stands for Fuck My Life. FMyLife is an English-language blog that serves as "a recollection of everyday anecdotes likely to happen to anyone". Posts on the site are short, user-submitted stories of unfortunate happenings that begin with "Today" and end with "FML". FMyLife receives more than 1.7 million hits each day. Here is a collection of likely celeb FML entries -

I have been scandal-free for two months. FML.

Paris Hilton

My girlfriend dumped me. FML.

Typical Guy

My boyfriend thinks my new top makes me look fat. FML.

Typical Girl

My suit and pant have been up for the past 1 month. FML.

Barney Stinson

They patched my scar. FML.

Harry Potter

I tried 4 hours to solve a rebus. Turns out, it was a drawing by my 4 year old sister. FML.

Literati Convener

The wall fell down. FML.

Malhar Organizer

Eve got herself something to wear. FML.

Adam

The course registration for the semester got over. FML.

General Secretary of Academic Affairs

My meeting got over in 10 minutes. FML.

Techfest Manager

My heroine has bad breath. FML.

Emraan Hashmi

I lost my towel. FML.

Douglas Adams

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. It was only for boys. FML.

Freshman

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. FML.

Sophomore

Why isn't there a FM portal? FML.

Pamela Anderson

Neo gifted me a spoon. FML.

Morpheus

By the way, God has given up trying to fuck Rajnikanth's life. Twice.

Reader's Speak:

I dare you to. FML.

Chuck Norris

They made me take a bath! FML.

Robert Pattinson.(Edward Cullen in Twilight)

He still didn't brush his teeth! FML.

Kirsten Stewart, on above.

Its 43. FML.

Douglas Adams

Contributed by Ankit Baraskar

Arvind is moving out of my room! FML!

Nikunj Jha

Mathematics can't explain this. FML!

Manas Rachh

Contributed by Neha Rambhia

There are no reservations in heaven. FML.

Arjun Singh

Contributed by Ayush Baheti

I read Nikunj's blog. FML.

Blog Reader

Contributed by Anonymous Reader

Please comment. At least give your opinion on how you found it by checking one of the boxes below. Feedback is most welcome. I would be glad to add your quotes and listen to your suggestions for the blog. Just post a comment. That’s all folks!

Mobile Assets!

The celebs are all in a mobile shop. Some are looking to buy, others are looking to sell. Lets have a look -

With great power, comes great standby time!

Spiderman

Wish an Apple would fall on my head...

Isaac Newton

The first rule of the chinese mobile store is that you do not talk about the chinese mobile store.

Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

I need a phone to satisfy my MMS needs...

Hugh Hefner

Neo, there is no discount.

Morpheus

We offer special discount on mobiles stolen from our prize room...

College Festival Manager

I want a 3G phone with GPS, music player and a 5mp camera.

Typical Guy

I want a cute, pink and slim phone that matches my top!

Typical Girl

Think beyond the Blackberrys. I will give you a free laptop.

Arindam Choudhary

98232 43245

Douglas Adams

Electronic cell is out of fashion, sir. Entrepreneurship cell is the new rage...

E-Cell Manager

May the network be with you...

Master Yoda

Make me an offer I can't refuse...

The Godfather

My hobby - Going to mobile store and asking for mobile bombs to freak out the customers...

Randall Munroe

The mobiles are expensive and complicated. But, there's always www.fencibility.com...

Eeshan Malhotra

Toit Fundae Part 4: Mobile phone c**tiya hai. Who's going to stanford?

Toit

Contributed By Ankit Baraskar

Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the new facebook connect gadget on the right hand side column.

Hire for Higher!

Its placement season! The celebs are applying for jobs/internships. Here is a collection of points from their CV/SOP -

Established the usefulness of slack, distracted clerks in the office through my own example...

Einstein for Head of World Clerks Association

Used silicon technology to create two perky portable anti aircraft guns, poised suitably to make the enemy come and take 'em down

Pamela Anderson for US Air Force

Set new style standards for laziness by parting the sea rather than boarding a ship...

Moses for Jew Style Icon

Exemplified devotion to the cause of pitch black sunglasses by enduring them even during the nights

Neo for Sales Representative of Rayban

Ensured fitness of all the cows of Bihar by sending them on a strict dieting regimen by withdrawing all fodder from the state...

Laloo Yadav for Fitness Instructor

You should make me a job offer I cannot refuse...

Godfather

Successfully survived being surrounded and courted by 15 guys at the same time, not liking any one of them and still prevailed

Rakhi Sawant for H-10 Warden

Proficient at the game with an unbeaten track record of hiding. Can bomb/attack the opponents in no time

Osama Bin Laden for American Team to World Hide and Seek Championship

Have world-class experience in furthering distance education through home-made videos of ingenious nature and popular demand

Paris Hilton for Internship at CDEEP

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, all night long, non-stop without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Techfest Manager for Technical Advisor to Satsang Committee

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, non-stop, without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Random Philosopher for Techfest Manager

Have extensive past experience in selling hot chicks to a crowd of lost and innocent boys...

Mood Indigo Hospitality CG for Speaker of Anti-Gay Democratic Front

< Image > Topless sunbathing < /Image >

Salman Khan for Convener of No T-shirt Club

P.S. – All the above jobs were taken up by Rajnikanth taking his job count to 99987645

It’s been a very long time since I posted. My joblessness at my intern inspired me to. Credits to Arvind for the Pamela Anderson quote. As always, will be waiting for more suggestions from the readers in the comments.

Slam Bunk!

The celebrities bunked the class. Here is a compilation of their excuses -

Soniya Ji decided not to come to the class...

Manmohan Singh

The class was in Room Number 43...

Douglas Adams

There were no skyscrapers around.

Spiderman

I was hungry. There was no spoon...

Morpheus

I had a team meeting last night. It didn't end...

Techfest Manager

Everyone I met on the way was serious...

Joker

The force was with me... but it left my bike.

Master Yoda

Was doing my home assignment with Monica…

Bill Clinton

I should have taken the blue pill. Unfortunately, I took mess food instead...

Neo

I believe in distance education through educational home videos...

Pamela Anderson

The auto rickshaw driver refused my offer...

The Godfather

I had a dream. And then another one. And then another one. And so on...

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Didn't drink. Couldn't drive.

Salman Khan

P.S. - Rajnikanth used his exceptional skills to listen to the lecture from his room...

Finally a post after a long time. Was kept busy by huge amounts of work both on the academic and extra-curricular front. Also, I felt that the frequency of posts was too high and the jokes were getting repetitive. So I decided to let it rest for a while. As always, will be waiting for more in the comments.

Poll Dance

The celebrities are contesting the elections. Here’s a compilation of their promises and manifesto points -

Will stop playing cricket.

Sourav Ganguly

Will clean all the webs I left on the buildings while performing stunts.

Spiderman

Will do nothing.

George Bush

Will kill Baa and all other characters above a 100 years.

Ekta Kapoor

Will divorce Aishwarya Rai.

Abhishek Bachchan

Will donate my personal ammunition reserve to the army.

Osama Bin Laden

Will introduce reservations for girls in IIT.

Arjun Singh (when campaigning inside IIT)

Will associate with Paris Hilton this time to provide 'quality' scandals for the masses.

Bill Clinton

Will restore equality among all integers and end discrimination among numbers.

Douglas Adams

Everyone has 'big' expectations. I shall fulfill them all...

Pamela Anderson

Will replace boring chair fights with cat fights among playmates in Parliament.

Hugh Hefner

And here are a few Celebrity Election Slogans -

I am the one.

Neo

You have already made me your choice. You don't need to understand it.

Oracle

The Real Slim Shady stands up.

Eminem

Will put a smile on everyone's face.

Joker

P.S. - Dev Anand couldn't stand in the elections. He is STILL underage.

Finally a post that is completely mine. I am afraid you will find the variety of last few posts absent which was the result of multiple contributors. As always waiting for more slogans/promises in comments. Will publish the good ones…

Counseling Blues!

What would the celebrities advise the students if they had been the counsellors for JEE 2009?

To B.E. or not to B.E., is out of the question…

Shakespeare

Neo, there are no girls.

Morpheus

How would I know? I am still a kid.

Dev Anand

Download my 'counselling' video from the LAN...

Paris Hilton

42? Hmm... Computer Science, IIT Bombay.

Douglas Adams

Depends. What ethnicity suits your taste?

Hannibal Lectar

Security at Main Gate: Student?
JEE qualified candidate: NO...
Security: Cow?
JEE qualified student: No
Security: No Entry...

You will remember this as the day you almost got IIT Bombay.

Jack Sparrow

I suggest KV, IIT Powai Branch (Kendriya Vidyalaya)...

Late Michael Jackson

Te rimaka bosa daaa...

Gulti

Only two things are infinite: Universe and boys-to-babes ratio in IIT, and I am not sure about the universe.

Einstein

60,000 participants, over 500 colleges, 4 days of mayhem - Mood Indigo - Asia's largest college cultural festival... Come live your passion…

MI CG

For academic calendar, counselling brochure, go to www.moodi.org

MI Web CG

’Generally’ nahi ho payega...

Arjun Singh

I came, I saw, I counseled.

Julius Ceaser

IIT? - Isnt that the college that has WMD's? (Women of Masculine Disposition)

George Bush

You are just maid for IIT...

Shiney Ahuja

You will be back... next year.

Terminator (to AIR 6000)

Hasta la Vista, baby!

Terminator (to AIR >7000)

You dont need no education...

Pink Floyd

You have already made the choice. You just don’t understand it yet.

Oracle

Let's put a spike on your resume.

Joker

Readers Speak:

Sab mohmaya hai…

Actual Counseling Student

Contributed By Niranjan Parab

Chal daaru peene chalte hain…

Arvind Kr. Singh

Contributed By Mayank Singhal

They say getting into IIT is tough… Well, try getting out of here. (Evil Grin)

Director, IIT Bombay.

Think beyond the IIT’s. I shall give you a free laptop.

Arindam Choudhary

Contributed By Nitish Wagle aka Dempo

Thanks to Arvind and Siddharth Shah for suggestions and ideas. Special thanks to Sailesh Mohapatra for contributing excellent quotes. Not to forget Antariksh for his insight. Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the upcoming posts section on the right hand side column.

Star-casm

You know they are being sarcastic when they say:

Hum do hamare do.

Laloo Yadav

Hum do.

IITian

Every human being has his limitations.

Neo

I agree.

Rajnikanth

I think...

George Bush

Me too...

Laloo Yadav

I am too old for this shit.

Dev Anand

I came here to take part in a protest rally.

Osama Bin Laden

Go Veg!

Hannibal Lectar

Baa died yesterday.

Ekta Kapoor

Free Hugs!

Mayawati

Pink is gay!

Paris Hilton

40

Douglas Adams

I was not staring…

Adam

Readers Speak:

I used to drink Bournvita.

Benjamin Button

Contributed By Paras Jain

I love HER.

Michael Jackson

Contributed By Mehul Jain

I have a niche audience.

Chetan Bhagat

Contributed By Mukul Gupta

I am hoping you guys contribute more quotes through comments. Will publish the good ones...

Thanks to Antariksh, Mayank and Arvind for suggestions, as always...