F My Life!

Another week, another post. This time it's about celebrity FML entries. FML stands for Fuck My Life. FMyLife is an English-language blog that serves as "a recollection of everyday anecdotes likely to happen to anyone". Posts on the site are short, user-submitted stories of unfortunate happenings that begin with "Today" and end with "FML". FMyLife receives more than 1.7 million hits each day. Here is a collection of likely celeb FML entries -

I have been scandal-free for two months. FML.

Paris Hilton

My girlfriend dumped me. FML.

Typical Guy

My boyfriend thinks my new top makes me look fat. FML.

Typical Girl

My suit and pant have been up for the past 1 month. FML.

Barney Stinson

They patched my scar. FML.

Harry Potter

I tried 4 hours to solve a rebus. Turns out, it was a drawing by my 4 year old sister. FML.

Literati Convener

The wall fell down. FML.

Malhar Organizer

Eve got herself something to wear. FML.

Adam

The course registration for the semester got over. FML.

General Secretary of Academic Affairs

My meeting got over in 10 minutes. FML.

Techfest Manager

My heroine has bad breath. FML.

Emraan Hashmi

I lost my towel. FML.

Douglas Adams

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. It was only for boys. FML.

Freshman

I went to a dance workshop by in-sync. FML.

Sophomore

Why isn't there a FM portal? FML.

Pamela Anderson

Neo gifted me a spoon. FML.

Morpheus

By the way, God has given up trying to fuck Rajnikanth's life. Twice.

Reader's Speak:

I dare you to. FML.

Chuck Norris

They made me take a bath! FML.

Robert Pattinson.(Edward Cullen in Twilight)

He still didn't brush his teeth! FML.

Kirsten Stewart, on above.

Its 43. FML.

Douglas Adams

Contributed by Ankit Baraskar

Arvind is moving out of my room! FML!

Nikunj Jha

Mathematics can't explain this. FML!

Manas Rachh

Contributed by Neha Rambhia

There are no reservations in heaven. FML.

Arjun Singh

Contributed by Ayush Baheti

I read Nikunj's blog. FML.

Blog Reader

Contributed by Anonymous Reader

Please comment. At least give your opinion on how you found it by checking one of the boxes below. Feedback is most welcome. I would be glad to add your quotes and listen to your suggestions for the blog. Just post a comment. That’s all folks!

Lift Kara De!

Time for some experimentation. Here’s a conversation in quotes involving our very-own friendly neighbourhood celebs, that ensued while travelling in a lift when it suddenly stopped mid-way -

Et tu lift, eh?

Julius Caesar

Neo, there is no motion

Morpheus

(screams) Oh gravity, now don't try to be a heartless bitch.

Sheldon Cooper

I think I can convince my producers to send in 3 auto-rickshaw drivers cum saviours who can rescue us while wielding their battered, smoke-chugging, rickety autos.

Himesh Reshammiya

Damn! I should have brought my playmates for the ride

Hugh Hefner

Everyone Back off! You cant take more space. 27% of the lift and auto is reserved for Old Bald Congressmen...

Arjun Singh

Stick to the walls!

Malhar Organizer

I have tremendous appetite. May I have a few volunteers in order to free up some space?

Hannibal Lectar

Alimentary, my dear Lectar!

Sherlock Holmes

Not that I haven't been in a stopped lift with 10 other men before, but usually they take my consent before the emergency stop!

Paris Hilton

Am I having a dream?

Martin Luther King (looking at Paris)

A Midsummer's wet dream...

Shakespeare (drooling at Paris)

I'll be coming.

Terminator

The little slim shady stands up...

Eminem

Lock and load!

Colonel Sanders

Stop! No one makes her an offer she can't refuse!

Godfather

We need to discuss why first. It has to be a team decision…

Techfest Manager

Natural selection dictates survival of the fittest!

Charles Darwin (to Paris)

(descends into chaos)

Let loose ligaments locking lift, living legends lecherously lust after luscious lady, lest little longfellows levitate. Litigation lacerates.

V (V for Vendetta)

Screw her, guys! I'm going home...

Eric Cartman

Please comment on how you found the post. Thanks to Ankit Baraskar and Arpan Saha for contributing a quote each. I can switch back to older kind of posts or try a few more of these if people so demand. That’s all folks!

Hire for Higher!

Its placement season! The celebs are applying for jobs/internships. Here is a collection of points from their CV/SOP -

Established the usefulness of slack, distracted clerks in the office through my own example...

Einstein for Head of World Clerks Association

Used silicon technology to create two perky portable anti aircraft guns, poised suitably to make the enemy come and take 'em down

Pamela Anderson for US Air Force

Set new style standards for laziness by parting the sea rather than boarding a ship...

Moses for Jew Style Icon

Exemplified devotion to the cause of pitch black sunglasses by enduring them even during the nights

Neo for Sales Representative of Rayban

Ensured fitness of all the cows of Bihar by sending them on a strict dieting regimen by withdrawing all fodder from the state...

Laloo Yadav for Fitness Instructor

You should make me a job offer I cannot refuse...

Godfather

Successfully survived being surrounded and courted by 15 guys at the same time, not liking any one of them and still prevailed

Rakhi Sawant for H-10 Warden

Proficient at the game with an unbeaten track record of hiding. Can bomb/attack the opponents in no time

Osama Bin Laden for American Team to World Hide and Seek Championship

Have world-class experience in furthering distance education through home-made videos of ingenious nature and popular demand

Paris Hilton for Internship at CDEEP

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, all night long, non-stop without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Techfest Manager for Technical Advisor to Satsang Committee

Immeasurable experience in talking and listening to crap, non-stop, without drowsiness and side effects on mental health...

Random Philosopher for Techfest Manager

Have extensive past experience in selling hot chicks to a crowd of lost and innocent boys...

Mood Indigo Hospitality CG for Speaker of Anti-Gay Democratic Front

< Image > Topless sunbathing < /Image >

Salman Khan for Convener of No T-shirt Club

P.S. – All the above jobs were taken up by Rajnikanth taking his job count to 99987645

It’s been a very long time since I posted. My joblessness at my intern inspired me to. Credits to Arvind for the Pamela Anderson quote. As always, will be waiting for more suggestions from the readers in the comments.

Counseling Blues!

What would the celebrities advise the students if they had been the counsellors for JEE 2009?

To B.E. or not to B.E., is out of the question…

Shakespeare

Neo, there are no girls.

Morpheus

How would I know? I am still a kid.

Dev Anand

Download my 'counselling' video from the LAN...

Paris Hilton

42? Hmm... Computer Science, IIT Bombay.

Douglas Adams

Depends. What ethnicity suits your taste?

Hannibal Lectar

Security at Main Gate: Student?
JEE qualified candidate: NO...
Security: Cow?
JEE qualified student: No
Security: No Entry...

You will remember this as the day you almost got IIT Bombay.

Jack Sparrow

I suggest KV, IIT Powai Branch (Kendriya Vidyalaya)...

Late Michael Jackson

Te rimaka bosa daaa...

Gulti

Only two things are infinite: Universe and boys-to-babes ratio in IIT, and I am not sure about the universe.

Einstein

60,000 participants, over 500 colleges, 4 days of mayhem - Mood Indigo - Asia's largest college cultural festival... Come live your passion…

MI CG

For academic calendar, counselling brochure, go to www.moodi.org

MI Web CG

’Generally’ nahi ho payega...

Arjun Singh

I came, I saw, I counseled.

Julius Ceaser

IIT? - Isnt that the college that has WMD's? (Women of Masculine Disposition)

George Bush

You are just maid for IIT...

Shiney Ahuja

You will be back... next year.

Terminator (to AIR 6000)

Hasta la Vista, baby!

Terminator (to AIR >7000)

You dont need no education...

Pink Floyd

You have already made the choice. You just don’t understand it yet.

Oracle

Let's put a spike on your resume.

Joker

Readers Speak:

Sab mohmaya hai…

Actual Counseling Student

Contributed By Niranjan Parab

Chal daaru peene chalte hain…

Arvind Kr. Singh

Contributed By Mayank Singhal

They say getting into IIT is tough… Well, try getting out of here. (Evil Grin)

Director, IIT Bombay.

Think beyond the IIT’s. I shall give you a free laptop.

Arindam Choudhary

Contributed By Nitish Wagle aka Dempo

Thanks to Arvind and Siddharth Shah for suggestions and ideas. Special thanks to Sailesh Mohapatra for contributing excellent quotes. Not to forget Antariksh for his insight. Waiting for more quotes in comments section. As always, will publish the best ones. Also check out the upcoming posts section on the right hand side column.

Star-casm

You know they are being sarcastic when they say:

Hum do hamare do.

Laloo Yadav

Hum do.

IITian

Every human being has his limitations.

Neo

I agree.

Rajnikanth

I think...

George Bush

Me too...

Laloo Yadav

I am too old for this shit.

Dev Anand

I came here to take part in a protest rally.

Osama Bin Laden

Go Veg!

Hannibal Lectar

Baa died yesterday.

Ekta Kapoor

Free Hugs!

Mayawati

Pink is gay!

Paris Hilton

40

Douglas Adams

I was not staring…

Adam

Readers Speak:

I used to drink Bournvita.

Benjamin Button

Contributed By Paras Jain

I love HER.

Michael Jackson

Contributed By Mehul Jain

I have a niche audience.

Chetan Bhagat

Contributed By Mukul Gupta

I am hoping you guys contribute more quotes through comments. Will publish the good ones...

Thanks to Antariksh, Mayank and Arvind for suggestions, as always...